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We’ve all been there, you know, going to some kind of event where you’re not allowed to drink. Or, even worse, when you are but the drinks are criminally overpriced. There are a million reasons why you’d feel the need to sneak wine into outdoor events so I’m just going to assume you have a good excuse.
Ten Clever Ways to Sneak Wine into Outdoor Events
Of course, this wouldn’t be a responsible blog if I didn’t warn you not to do things you’re not supposed to. You know, like breaking the law and stuff. And don’t come crying to me if you get kicked out of your next folk festival or an outdoor children’s birthday party because of the amazing advice on this list.
The Wine Rack Bra
If you happen to be a woman (or voluptuous man) this handy invention is the holy grail of sneaking wine into any event. Even during a pat-down, you’ll be safe – how dare they touch you there! Oh yeah, and the bra is even machine washable, just in case of spills.
The only downside to this wine-filled bra? Your slowly shrinking bust throughout the day. Hopefully, no one notices…
Wine-soaked Gummy Bears
Now personally, I like to make “rummy bears”, these sugary treats also soak up wine just as well. So how exactly do you use gummy bears to sneak wine into outdoor events? First, pick up some gummy bears. Grape is a logical flavour choice here. Pour your favourite wine over the bears and let them sit for a few hours. The good little teddies will soak up all that sweet, sweet alcohol.
You might want to choose a rosé for this one, or something sweet. It just tastes better.
X Marks The Spot
This one is going to require a bit of advanced planning. If you can get into the event with your bottle ahead of time then just pick an out of the way place to hide the booze and come back for it when you return. Treasure maps are optional but strongly encouraged. Marking it with a large X, though, might be a bad idea.
Put it in Your Hair
OK hear me out. I think it’s about time big hairstyles come back into fashion. Those beehives could easily sneak an entire bottle of wine inside them. Promise. If you don’t want to be that bold you can still slip a smaller bottle into your updo.
Another option is to tie your ponytail around a bottle of wine. Do your best to not make this too obvious, and maybe stick with smaller bottles. Also, don’t forget about your little stowaway when you start dancing later.
Drunken Fruit
Just like the gummy bears, fruit also deliciously absorbs almost any alcohol you soak it in. Unlike gummy bears, you can pretend that you’re being healthy while getting drunk eating strawberries.
You can even go one step further and actually inject you wine right into an orange. That way the oranges stay in the protective peel and look perfectly inconspicuous as you sneak wine into an outdoor event. Uh yeah, I really love oranges. Why do you ask?
Inside Bread
You can get a nice loaf of french bread at most grocery stores for like a dollar. Just carefully slice it open, hollow it out, and slip your favourite bottle of wine inside. Then put everything back in the wrapper so it looks brand new. As a bonus, you also get a snack later! Of course, french bread pairs nicely with a bold cabernet sauvignon, so feel free to stuff your loaf with it.
7. Sippin’ Seat
Since you’re going to be outside chances are you’ll probably end up needing a place to sit. Don’t worry, I’ve got a perfect idea. Bring your own cushion! The Sippin’ Seat is the perfect option.
Of course, what would be the point if you couldn’t fill said cushion with your favourite beverage and use it to sneak wine into outdoor events? It also supports 300lbs so you’re safe to have a lot of wine and cheese.
8. Travel Mug
I would be lying if I didn’t admit this is my personal tried and true method for taking alcohol practically anywhere. Trick or treating with the kids? Check. Yard selling? Check. Walking home from a party and needing “one for the road”? Check.
Travel mugs are socially acceptable and so common that people don’t give them a second look. Plus, most are insulated so if you have a chilled wine it will stay cold for hours. They also usually lock shut so you won’t spill a drop!
They do make a travel wine tumbler but that might be a little too obvious. If you’re not trying to hide your outdoor wine drinking they do make them with straws, just saying!
Novelty Flasks
These come in so many shapes and sizes it’s impossible to share with you all the amazing products out there. Of course, you could just use a good old fashion flask too, but these are a lot more fun. Some of the best I’ve seen are Sunscreen bottle flasks, bracelet flasks, and even tampon flasks. It’s hard to find something that hasn’t been made into a flask at this point.
Sneak Wine into Outdoor Events by Pre-gaming
When all else fails, or you want to play it safe, you can always pre-game. If you’re not familiar with this technique (like you live under a rock or something) basically you just get drunk before you go to an event to avoid buying ridiculously overpriced alcohol.
The key to this technique is not to get too wasted, because you won’t be allowed in. Just have a few glasses of good wine at home so when you go out you can either buy the cheap stuff or at least spend less on enjoying yourself.
If you do try these (and I am in no way condoning that you do) drop me a comment and let me know if they worked, pretty please? Even if you don’t, treat yourself and invest in a good travel mug – you’ll thank me later.
